I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
