Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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