I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
