someone get that fucking seahorse.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize