I bet he comes in French.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
