my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
