You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
