Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
