Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
