Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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