You work out of a Hotel?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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