Non-Jews are for practice
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
