My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
