please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
