So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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