I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
