my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
