Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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