Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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