my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
