DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
