Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
