I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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