about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
