yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
