I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My first STD was from a foam party
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
