you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
