That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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