I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
