i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
