I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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