I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Someone signed my nipple.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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