I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I cockslap morals
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
