I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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