I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
