So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
