My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
