Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
