I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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