buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
