apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
