All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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