sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
