also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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