I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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