Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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