I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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