I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
