So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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