Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What a dumb baby whore.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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