I want to have your abortion
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We are two peas in an std pod
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
