Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
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Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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