apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
