You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
