She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
