On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
