Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm both gender and math confused
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
