you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
