you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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