Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
