DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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