How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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