I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
