i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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