I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
