Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
