The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
