I wish they made helmets for livers.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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