I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
