I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
