I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
