Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
what day is it and did you see me today?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
