Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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