You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
