i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
