Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
