hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
